| Leaving Captain Caitlin!! |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|10:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The postal service- such great heights | ] |
So yeah... I totally was looking at one my friend Ashley's thing on here, and I saw that she had a friend with a lj thing called "CrazyCait310" and discovered that I apparently made on of these things like a year or so ago, and it's prettier and I don't know how to make this one pretty too...So I'm going to use that one now. So.. If you care, check me out at crazycait310!! |
|
|
| Monica. |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|01:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Three's Company | ] |
You are only one day older. And you're no wiser than I am.
Nathan is an ex.
Since when do you listen to what Justin says? Screw that. He's hot. If you knew him you'd say "go for it, he's hot."
Then you'd be like, "Wait no...he's out of your league. Loser."
hahahahahaha. I love you Monica. A lot. Please, let's hang out again more often. Like we used to. I miss you. :( |
|
|
| WOOT! |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|12:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roseanne!!! | ] |
Yay for being over Simon. I love that. I really am too. Just took some time, but I'm good!
I am confused though.
Stephen = Best choice. I know that I'd never have to worry about him doing anything but loving me eternally. I don't know if that's what I want.
Nathan = Says he's crazy about me but emails cassie saying she's cute. What's that about?
Guy on our floor = super duper hottie. Thusly, out of my reach. Sad.
Help? |
|
|
| Update or something of the sort... |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|11:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kelly Clarkson | ] |
I thought I'd write, and say I'm not so terribly depressed any more.
Yes. I miss him. It almost makes me sick sometimes.
But I am happy. Most of the time. Except for when he puts up away messages talking about other girls and their "hotness coming to visit." But I think that's just to piss me off. Whatever. He drinks too much, and I can't trust him. I will get over it.
Today I'm working, hanging out with stephen, sleeping there or at home. Then laundry in the morning and family time. the work 4-9 and back here.
I need a cig sooo bad. But Tassie's dad's on his way...so I have to wait and then smoke alone cuz I'm the only person on this floor right now!! AAAAAAAAH! Now that's bad news bears...
went to our high school's musical last night. They did "The Wizard of Oz." It was long, but good. Dorothy was played by my favorite freshman ever, Brogan. She was amazing. Beautiful voice. Yay for brogie!!
WEll...I'm gonna find some way to burn two hours....Alone. That should be fun. |
|
|
| Fuck this shit. |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|10:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
So now that cassie has someone whom she likes, and likes her back, she's all too fucking cool to sleep in this room. She sleeps in his room now basically every night, and told me last night that she doesn't care if I want her to sleep in here. What the fuck. Funny how whenever I had a boyfriend, I was never like this. But all my friends always are. They get a boyfriend and then they forget that I even existed. But now that this guy is gone for the weekend, I'm sure she'll want to spend some time with me. Yea. Right. Also, Caitlin tells me that they kissed last night a whole bunch, and funny how she wouldn't tell her best friend about that. I wonder if she plans on telling me. What the fuck.
I don't think I want to live here next semester. I feel like moving in with Missy and Paul. She said I could. And that would be better for me. To get out of this drama blown shit. I guess they all got written up last night which is fucking hilarious. They are always stupid about everything. They drink over their limit, and get sick. Although last night I was sick for a little bit, cuz I did too much at once. I drank a little, smoked a little pot, then smoked a cig all in like 20 minutes. And that was stupid. So my stomach was upset for about a half an hour and I thought I was dying. Then I came back here (i was at missys) got all pissed off, went to bed.
Whatever. |
|
|
| My heart hurts |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | disney channel in the background | ] |
It's not even about him. It's just about how I feel. I've never have someone have such a disregard for my feelings before. He just thinks I should be able to forgive him, and try and work things out.
No matter what, even if I were to ever forgive him, I couldn't forget what happened. Never. I can never ever take him back, ever.
Everyone I know hates him anyway. Everyone. They have all made death threats to me, about forgiving him. And that helps.
What doesn't is the fact that they won't just let me sit and be depressed. That's all I want. I just want to be depressed forever and ever and ever.
What also doesn't help are all these people who are like "oh I knew that would happen." or coming out with stories about him and how awful he is.... Where were these a couple months ago? Yes, Allie, you told me all along. But it was just one person, everyone else told me great things. Then, decided when it was tOOO late.
I wish I could go back in time. And be a better girlfriend. I bet this wouldn't have happened then. I bet if I would have fucking had sex with him when he wanted me to, we wouldn't be here. If I would have spent all my time with him, you know? He would have been happier then. And he wouldn't have cheated.
It is my fault.
I got what I deserved. Really. I did.
I just want to sleep. I'm so tired. But I can't sleep. |
|
|
| Blah |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|12:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall Out Boy | ] |
You know what's a terrible feeling? Waking up feeling groggy, but ok, and then remembering all the events of the night prior.
It's an awful feeling.
I didn't fall asleep until around three last night. Slept through math. Went to Global Perspectives, but I'm skipping WOTA. I just want to sit and cry. But my friends won't let me.
You should read the conversations I had online with him last night. He tried to tell me that "i didn't ask" so he didn't lie. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT. Then he said something like "i think you're worth it and that we could make it work, but you just see me as shit and I'm really not." Yea, you're perfect Simon. A perfect fucking asshole.
I met the girl, I don't know if I wrote that in my last update. But she came up here, told me everything she knew, and told me she would continue to do so. She kept saying she was sorry. Simon tried telling me that it wasn't while she was passed out, she came on to him. How I wish that were true, because right now it's like sexual assault. She doesn't remember much of it, she didn't want to. IT pissed me off how he was trying to get me to forgive him by saying she initiated it. Irregardless to that, he fucked her. Nothing can change that.
I will not allow myself to forgive him. Ever. I can't be one of those girls. One of those girls that I listened to, thought were stupid for forgiving their asshole boyfriend. I can't. No one would let me anyway. If I were to forgive him my whole floor would have something to say about that.
My friend Jeff wants to kill him. He's friends with Andrea too I guess. And Jeff has quite the temper. I'm scared about what Jeff will do. Not that Simon will get hurt, but that Jeff will get into trouble. I don't give a shit about what happens to Simon. He can eat shit for all I care.
*Sigh* I have to leave for work in two hours. At least I'm not there for long. |
|
|
| how much worse can it get? |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|01:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
So it only gets worse.
My friend jeff comes in my room to ask me what room Simon lives in. And i say why, and he asks again and i say why and he says "is it 301" and i say WHY (cuz it is) and then he tells me a story about Andrea...
She woke up in Simon's room, cuz she was staying there after a party when she couldn't go to her room. She wakes up to him making out with her, and she tells him to stop cuz she has a boyfriend, to which he replies "I have a girlfriend too, but she's a bitch" Then she passes out cuz she's on some sort of pill or something and she's wasted. Wakes up to find out they had sex. Vaguely remembers it. She tells her roommate who informs her that she saw him previously at a party making out with like 6 girls.
FANTASTIC. he admitted to it too. And then told me that it was just cuz he wanted to take me out to dinner or some bullshit like that...
Right. Blame this on me. It's my fault you fucked some chick. She came up and told me about it all too. And apologized. I don't blame her. She has a lot of courage. She told me that he imed her after he found out she was coming and said "just leave the sex part out" hmm. ASS
I feel so fucking shitty. So awful. I just wish I'd wake up and have this all be a dream. Please, just let me wake up and none of this happened... |
|
|
| Yea. It's done for now. |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|09:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
We broke up. He asked me to forgive him, and I told him that right now I can't.
It hurts too bad.
I want to lock myself in a room and just cry and cut and cry and cut. But I won't.
Because I don't do that anymore. I don't.
I did lock myself up and cry for awhile. But then It got better. A little. I know that I will find someone else. And that there is always a chance I'll get hurt again, but I can't hide from it.
I'm so used to breaking up because of myself planning it. I didn't really plan this one. It's new. I'm not used to being the one who gets hurt. Thusly, I had this coming. And I deserved it.
And that sucks. |
|
|
| How ironic is my life. |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|06:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
So today a random chick ims me and tells me about how she and some other girls made out with Simon last Thursday.
Neato.
It's ironic. Didn't see it coming. No wonder I haven't seen him. I called him, and told him I never wanted to speak to him again. And he didn't call back. So I take it he figures I found out, and doesn't give a shit.
I know that I was thinking of breaking up with him, but damn. And I know I cheated on Jona, but it was with one person, and I told him about it the next day. And I felt shitty about it. Simon, didn't do any of that.
I deserved it though. And I know it. I had it coming, I wasn't a good girlfriend, never have been.
I still feel crappy about it though.
Very Crappy |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
captaincaitlin's journal